Category Archives: Life Story

Get the Message Idiot

Question Mark – Charlie Marseille (2026)

The people who excite me rarely seem interested in me, while those I feel nothing for often are. It’s a familiar paradox. Attraction doesn’t always align; sometimes it’s a mismatch of types, sometimes it’s the pull of emotional unavailability. I keep finding myself drawn to people who can’t—or won’t—choose me.

The sensible answer is obvious: stop chasing. Put that energy back into my own life instead of pursuing people who remain out of reach. Still, it’s irritating to realise that the very traits I possess—traits that don’t necessarily fit my own ideal—might be exactly what someone else has been looking for all along.

The Intimacy of Images


Some faces belong more to memory than to the world.

It’s a bit of an obsession, though I try not to talk about him too much. Still, his name surfaces from time to time. And then the teenage guy asks me if I know who River Phoenix was.

He asks it casually, like it’s just another name drifting out of the past. Of course I know. But I hesitate before answering, as though admitting it might reveal too much.

Who would have imagined we’d spend the entire night talking about River Phoenix? About how beauty becomes fixed in time. About the strange intimacy we form with the dead.

Every so often he tilts his head in a way that reminds me of him. Not exactly. But enough. For a moment I imagine he might be the reincarnation of River Phoenix. The thought is absurd, of course.

What he loves is not the person. Only the image. And the image never grows older.

A Kind of Fear. A Small Retreat


The thought had never even occurred to me. I genuinely just assumed he wasn’t interested. That was the simple explanation. I made a move, Oscar politely declined, and I retreated into my own embarrassment like a responsible adult.

But Alfie wouldn’t let it go.

“There’s a lot of energy around you,” he said. “It makes people feel exposed. They don’t always know how to handle it.”

I laughed it off at first. It sounded dramatic. But later I started replaying things.

I had been too focused on not humiliating myself to notice the details. The pause before he answered. The way he clenched his fists. The fact that he held eye contact just a second too long before looking away.

Alfie had noticed.

“There was interest,” he said carefully. “But when he realised it might actually become something real, he pulled back. Did you see him blush?”

I hadn’t. I’d been too busy overthinking my own tone of voice.

“He wasn’t rejecting you,” Alfie continued. “He was protecting himself.”

I don’t know. Maybe that’s giving him too much credit. Maybe it’s just a way of coping. But when I think about it now — the way he looked at me before he looked away — it didn’t feel cold. It felt cautious.

“He finds you intimidating,” Alfie added. “Magnetic. But intimidating.”

That word stuck.

Maybe he’s not distant. Maybe he’s careful.

And maybe — just maybe — the story isn’t over.

The Apprehension is for the Possibility

Apprehension – Charlie Marseille (2026)

I have a feeling that something bad might happen. It makes me nervous. Like when you want to have a shit but you’re worried because the drains keep backing up.

The Boy Danced Naked Under the Apple Tree

Naked – Charlie Marseille (2026)

The apples were nearly ripe. Red where the sun had kissed them too hard, green in the hollows of shade. Some were freckled, some split open already, pale flesh browning, bees drunk on the sugar. The smell hung low and thick. 

He didn’t decide to dance. It happened the way shivering happens. One bare foot scraped the ground, testing it. His shoulders rolled, stiff and then looser, like he was shrugging off something heavy. His arms lifted, awkward, elbows bent too sharply, wrists slack. He laughed under his breath at how stupid he must look, alone in a field with no one to see.

That was part of it. The not-being-seen.

But the boy danced naked under the apple tree.

Tolerance is a very dull virtue. It is boring

“A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.” – Oscar Wilde

Why do people talk shit and think that I am interested? The problem is me. I sit and listen and do my best to look interested, but it gives them an excuse to come back and talk even more boring shit. I need to stop being a drip tray.

A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints

A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints (2006). Directed by Dito Montiel. With Channing Tatum as Young Antonio and Shia LaBeouf as Young Dito.

There was this guy, always half-naked like he was daring the block to say something. All nerves and sweat and attitude. All fight in him. You could smell the testosterone, I swear—like sweat, cigarettes, and bad decisions mixed together.

You ever hear somebody get called Pistachio Dick? Yeah. Welcome to Queens. Ho yay!

Antonio was like that with Dito—mean to everyone else, but around him? Forget it. Full guard up. Like he was protecting something he didn’t even know how to name. Two guys, both tough, both turning red whenever they got too close. Nobody said anything. Nobody had to.

And here’s the thing that kills me about Channing Tatum—this guy did nothing. Nothing. Just the right sperm hit the right egg and boom, whole fuckin’ world started orbiting him. Not my line. Some guy named Anonymous said it. But yeah. That’s how it went.

The ‘Stripped Down’ Spectacle

Frazer Harrison//Getty Images

The body grows older; the mind, one hopes, grows softer. Justin Bieber steps onto the Grammys stage wearing little more than boxer shorts and black socks, and suddenly we declare him grown. A raw act, we’re told—an offering of honesty, of soul laid bare. Others call it baffling, even disturbing, unsettled by a performance that flirts so closely with undress. But who are we to protest?

Once, the disdain came loudest from older men who sneered at his pre-pubescent voice, his softness, his prettiness—at the very things that made him desirable. He was easy on the eye, a doll to be admired and dismantled in the same breath. It was fashionable to hate him.

Then came the litany of recklessness: urinating in a restaurant mop bucket, the abandoned monkey in Germany, the tabloid parade of bratty excess. Legal troubles piled up, stories of disrespect followed close behind, and obscene wealth insulated him from consequence, from the slow education of ordinary life. Entitlement clung to him like cologne.

And yet here we are. A sharp crew cut, a half-naked body under the glare of millions, and absolution arrives. Forgiveness, it seems, does not always come through music. Sometimes it comes through the body.

The Weight of Wonder

When You Look at Boys – Charlie Marseille (2026)

When you look at boys, do you really look – do you look in detail? People see Bradley and assume that beauty must imply intelligence. It doesn’t. The truth is, he’s a bit of a himbo. There’s a Yorkshire saying for people like that: “thick as pig shit.” And Bradley, I suppose, fits it perfectly. He smiles – handsome, devilish – with a guileless sense of wonder. But how long can I keep swallowing my frustration? Physical attraction fades quickly, and I realise the only role he can play is arm candy: a beautiful body, empty-headed, ornamental.

My Head is Full of Random Shit

*****

“Video Angelus internehilium et imortalis Even as we speak our hearts entwine. Senex et angelus video venestus caelum. Equiden lavare in meus vita empeteus Ah eeh ah eeh ah.”

*****

The boy who likes the excitement of fear.

“I worry about being thrown off the carousel in later life.” 

A skinny body and dirty pants.

*****

“He’s got it. Yeah, baby, he’s got it. I’m your Penis, I’m your fire. At your desire. Well, I’m your Penis, I’m your fire. At your desire.”

*****

Be careful who you choose because it can go wrong.

Is it that Bailey is still a virgin?

A shelter on a beach full of books.

A lake in an abandoned quarry.

Is it love that never quite reaches an orgasm?

A boy who turns up late is always popular.

Pasticcio.

The Organ of Lorenzini.