Category Archives: Life Story

That Moment / I didn’t want to hurt you, but I’m just a jealous guy

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Image: Archer Iñíguez

It’s four in the morning and the world is bleary. I’ve gone past the point where I think I look good because I know that I’m wrecked. Sam is dancing with everyone. He jumps and waves his arms in front of anyone who’ll let him, and they are pleased that he does so, because he’s a good looking guy with a wonderful smile. There are snatches of conversation with girls who flirt with him and then he moves onto somebody else. Boundless energy. 

I hate it that Sam is enjoying himself and I wish that he’d dance with me. But he comes nowhere near. Dan comes over and puts his arm around me. His sweat reminds me of greasy chips and vinegar on Southend Pier.  I tell him to fuck off because I’d rather watch Sam dancing. 

Eight pints of Madri have stirred up something inside me. I have no right to love but I ignore the warning signs. A toxic mixture that will bubble into jealousy, self pity and violent anger. Soon I will explode and do something bad, and I won’t know how to stop it.

Reese with an S / The haze of an infatuation

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Cocky. Never have I met anybody so cocky. Thick, as in stupid. Never have I met anybody so thick. A girl flirted with him, and he gave no response. “I had no idea,” he said afterwards. “I was completely obnoxious.” The word he was looking for was oblivious. But Reese with an ‘S’ grows on me each time I see him. The third time I’ve fallen in love. The fourth time he says that he’s never met me before. But he still gives me a smile and a kiss on the cheek. The scent is enchanting. I’m hopelessly infatuated but he probably sees me as a father figure, and not an object of desire.

On this occasion I’m prepared to make an exception

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Image: Winter Garden / PHG / 2025

I sat in the shade of the Winter Garden and was approached by a cool looking ginger-haired guy dressed in shorts and t-shirt. “Excuse me sir, I don’t know the city. Where is the best place to get the vibe?” I’d no idea where he could get the “vibe” and, as a rule, don’t do ginger, but on this occasion I was prepared to make an exception. Polite, handsome and seemingly likely to take one for the boys. He turned out to be a touring ballet dancer. 

You want them to be yours, but they’re not, and never will be

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Image: Alex Avgud

If someone asked me who the love of my life was, it would be the one that I’ve been waiting 15 years for. That’s how long my infatuation has lasted. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for him to realise that I am the one. But he knows all this, and isn’t in the slightest bit interested. It’s emotionally painful and challenging, and my resolve never weakens, but I know that it was never meant to be. I console myself with the things that are wrong about him. He is tall, blonde and lanky and everybody says that he has a tiny dick. He can be quite nasty. He spends money he probably doesn’t have. He is disorganised and incredibly untidy. And there’s the annoyance that everything is handed to him on a plate. A relationship would never have worked, and this one-sided love is best left unfulfilled. But despite all these flaws, love can be irrational, broken but still loved.

Down and dirty with sexual sneakers

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Image: Rai Fiction and Picomedia.

A pair of well-worn sneakers, tied to bars with greasy laces, fingered by the grubby hands of a bad boy, just hanging there. A pair of cheap sneakers blowing in the wind. And yet, I can’t stop looking at them. Worn by a cute deadbeat with dirty feet. It’s a kink, a fetish, a desire to lust after.

“Selfies have begun to replace memories – likes and comments have begun to replace lasting conversations”

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Image: Unsplash

Selfies are often saying, “I was here,” “I’m attractive,” or “I’m interesting and successful.” But selfies also say, “I think I’m beautiful,” “I’m trying to make you jealous,” or “I’m trying to get lots of likes.” Selfies are bad, but mirror selfies are even worse. 

Title quote – Abhijit Naskar, The Gospel of Technology

You had your chance and you didn’t want it

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Image: Archer Iñíguez

He stood next to his girlfriend and I couldn’t help looking at him. Discreetly like. But Matchstick Man had clocked me and looked at me like I’d done something incredibly bad. I wanted to shout, “Fuck you, Matchstick Man, you had your chance!” Instead, I went bright red and looked at my phone where an app nudged a virtual taxi nearer towards me. Sometimes thinking about it is better than doing it.

I told him I had a strange dream last night, and he said, “I know, I was there”

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Image: Riccardo de Rinaldis Santorelli

Who were you in my dream last night? We wandered barefoot through empty streets and drank in dirty bars. It was a good feeling, and we said we’d do it again. Yet, when I awakened, I wasn’t sure who you were. I thought I knew you but didn’t know where from. Were you a missed opportunity, who’d come to remind me that you might once have existed? So many questions. Be calm, be tender, and maybe I’ll love, I decided.

That Moment / He almost ended up with his happily ever after

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Image: Archer Iñíguez

A twinkle of imagination. A scattering of angel dust. The glow of the pedalo boy, with gorgeous dark legs and dirty underwear, who stared into the sun and saw the shadow of an indecent stranger.

A cream-filled, drug-hazed memory of a nineties Saturday night

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Image: Archer Iñíguez

Saturday slaughter. Pumped up courage. Vodka fuelled Valkyries. Vanilla Valentines. Red Hot Chilli Poppers. Up and down. Cock teasers. Blonde bullshitters. Fag filled fags. Sweaty sex toys. Blue Adonis in Disco Cop. Twink paradise. Twink hell . Be damned by Twinkdom. Boys to men. Romeo, Romeo, Where the fuck are you Romeo? Smooth skinned sluts. Spray tan twiglets. Ba lamb babies. If you could read my mind, love. What a tale my thoughts could tell. Just like an old time movie. A movie that plays every Saturday. The boy shouts louder and louder. What’s he gonna look like with a chimney on him? Up and Down. An ecstasy-stained erotic dream. Screaming queens and disco lights. Screaming queens and fist fights. Shy guys and sly guys. Sugar daddies and fairy cakes. I need you. I want you. I can’t have you. No matter how hard I try, you keep pushing me aside, and I can’t break through. Listen to me. I can’t see through the smoke. There’s no talking to you. The Vengabus is coming. And everybody’s jumping. But you’re not coming. Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say, I really don’t think you’re strong enough. Robin Hood and his band of boyfriend thieves. Cry babies. Jelly babies. Dolly mixtures. Sun up. Slow down. Come down. Vamos a jugar en el sol. Todos los días son días de fiesta. Vamos a jugar en el sol. Todos los días son días de fiesta. Sex in a Ford Fiesta. Sexy, everything about you so sexy.