
I noticed him but he chose not to notice me. After he had dropped his mobile phone on the floor for the third time, he realised that he had to say something.

I noticed him but he chose not to notice me. After he had dropped his mobile phone on the floor for the third time, he realised that he had to say something.

A girl who was supposed to be Ian Van Dahl mimed Castles in the Sky on stage. We wandered along the dark balcony and thought that it was incredibly good. Balloons rained down and the crowd shrieked. She reached the chorus line – Oh tell me why. Are the castles way up high. Please tell me why. Do we build castles in the sky? – and it all went wrong. I tripped over a hidden step and fell twenty feet below. I felt nothing because I was happy. I lay there and heard a guy say, “That was a fucking big balloon!”

I woke up in the middle of the night and the light boy was dancing around my bed. He comes often. No name. No face. A swirl of sparkly lights that moves from one side to the other. The electric boy blue who wants to be loved.


I’ve always made sure that I remain anonymous here. Not a clue does anybody have about me. But through that chink in the Venetian blinds, I’ve allowed somebody in who knows me. It’s embarrassing, but I suppose I intended it to happen. If they read this, I hope they realise that they were the right person, the kindest person, but now I fear that they won’t like me.

Simon felt good because the girl in front was interested in him. She had been talking to his colleagues, and they had smiled like conspirators do, and offered her words of encouragement. He knew that they were talking about him, and for the first time in ages, he remembered what it was like to be wanted again. The fact that she was a girl didn’t matter. What did matter was that she had seen something in his declining years that took him back to a time when he was a young man, and everything was his for the taking.
He guessed that she was in her twenties, slightly drunk, and that explained why she wanted to speak with him, someone serious, and older. At least I haven’t lost it, he told himself.
But he didn’t want a girl, never had, and the girl didn’t want him.
She told him that she wanted to introduce him to her mother because he would be perfect for her. How old was he? Was he single? He found out that her mother was fifty four. Simon knew that the girl was vetting him. Where did he live? Who did he know? And Simon politely answered each question hoping that she would go away.
I’m waiting for my little brother, she said, and when he appeared, she was obviously proud of him. Isn’t he gorgeous? Wouldn’t you like him as a stepson?
Simon agreed but inwardly sighed, because if he had been forty years younger, he would have been more interested in that little brother

He has a body with subtle yet erotic tattoos. He dances with his shirt off and you notice that his pecs are coming along nicely. Everything looks perfect until you look at his face and realise that he is ugly.

Guys who are younger than me
Guys who have better jobs than me
Guys who think they are better than me
Guys who try to walk over me
Guys who are ignorant
Guys who don’t listen
Guys who are completely messed up
Guys who are emotionally not here
Guys who try to make me look a cunt
Guys who are called Jamie
Guys who talk shit
Guys who won’t cheat
Guys who have fat girlfriends
Guys who get fat
Guys who wear baseball caps
Guys who wear white socks
Guys who grow beards
Guys who get drunk easily
Guys who call each other bro
Guys who drink Monster
Guys who put their hands down their pants… but maybe I do kind of like that

To the boy who went to McDonald’s and ate a Double Big Mac with Bacon, a double cheeseburger, chilli cheese bites, large fries, a Galaxy Cookie Crumble McFlurry, and drank a Banana Milkshake. You ate the cucumber sticks because you said they were healthy. I wonder why you have the body of a skinny HB pencil

Paint ball splats. One hits me in the face and goes straight up the right nostril. Samuel ignores me. Who is Samuel? Another story for another day. But that is a splat. Another guy tells me a story about Bad Boy Jamie, and he tells me a tale that is remarkably similar to mine. That splat hits hard. It is all about paint ball splats.