Author Archives: Myles

At the Edge of the Night: The Lost Life of Friedo Lampe

‘I will send you a book,’ said Severin. ‘It is a German classic, but I shall make sure you get the English translation. But before you read it, you must promise me one thing: research the dead author first. Then you will understand the sadness behind it.’”

True to his word, a package appeared on the doorstep a few weeks later. Inside was a copy of At the Edge of the Night by Friedo Lampe.

Cut to 2 May 1945. Kleinmachnow, a municipality on the outskirts of Berlin. Hitler has been dead for two days. Soviet troops occupy the capital. Germany is collapsing, and everyone is afraid of what comes next.

A shabbily dressed man walks along the street, shoulders hunched inside clothes that hang too loosely from his thin frame. To suspicious eyes he resembles one of the many fugitives trying to disappear into the chaos of defeat. Two Soviet soldiers stop him and demand identification.

He hands over his papers.

But the photograph shows a sturdier, healthier-looking man. The exhausted figure standing before them looks nothing like it.

The soldiers shoot him dead.

That is almost everything we know about the death of Friedo Lampe — librarian, editor, and novelist — a writer who experienced remarkably little good fortune during his lifetime.

Born in Bremen in 1899, Lampe suffered from bone tuberculosis in his left ankle as a child, leaving him permanently disabled. He studied literature, philosophy, and art history in Heidelberg, Munich, and Freiburg before eventually working as a writer and editor.

His debut novel, Am Rande der Nacht (At the Edge of the Night), appeared in 1933, the year Hitler came to power. Lampe later remarked that the book had been “born into a regime where it could not breathe.” Writing to a friend shortly after publication, he confessed: “What do you think of it now it’s in print? Very shocking? I’m worried.”

He had every reason to be.

The Nazis quickly placed the novel on their list of “damaging and undesirable writings.” Its dreamy nocturnal atmosphere, homoerotic undertones, and depiction of a relationship between a Black man and a German woman were enough to condemn it. Copies were seized; many were almost certainly burned.

Yet even then, perceptive readers recognised its brilliance. Hermann Hesse admired the novel in 1933 and later wrote that what had struck readers “as so beautiful and powerful has not paled… it proves itself with the best, and captivates and delights just as then.”

Lampe continued writing despite censorship and growing political danger. After working for Hamburg’s public library, he moved to Berlin in 1937 to work as an editor for Rowohlt. His prose ballad Das dunkle Boot (The Dark Boat) appeared in 1936, followed by the novella Septembergewitter (September Thunderstorm) in 1937. Neither achieved significant recognition, and Rowohlt itself was seized by the Nazis in 1939.

Throughout the war Lampe lived in quiet fear. Under Paragraph 175, homosexuality remained criminalised, and gay men faced surveillance, arrest, imprisonment, and deportation to concentration camps. Lampe, himself homosexual, lived cautiously and privately. In 1943 he narrowly escaped catastrophe after being blackmailed by a male prostitute in Berlin; only the intervention of his publisher’s lawyer prevented the affair from escalating into a criminal case.

Friends described him as reserved rather than solitary: a chain-smoker, obsessive reader, and compulsive buyer of books. “It really is an illness with me,” he once admitted. “I simply must buy every book, even when I don’t have the money.”

Misfortune seemed to pursue him relentlessly.

“I never had much luck with books,” Lampe remarked bitterly in 1944. The previous year an air raid had destroyed his Berlin apartment and with it his vast personal library. Two weeks later another bombing raid destroyed the Leipzig printing works preparing a new volume of his stories, Von Tür zu Tür (From Door to Door). In 1944 he was conscripted into the German Foreign Office, where he worked analysing intercepted enemy communications.

Then came the end of the war — and his senseless death on a roadside in Kleinmachnow.

Lampe was buried beneath a simple wooden cross bearing the words: Du bist nicht einsam — “You are not alone.”

For decades he remained little more than a literary footnote. Am Rande der Nacht was republished in expurgated form in 1949, 1955, and 1986, with supposedly offensive passages removed. Only in 1999, the centenary of Lampe’s birth, did the first complete unexpurgated edition finally appear.

That restoration transformed his reputation.

Modern German critics increasingly came to regard Am Rande der Nacht as one of the great lost novels of the Weimar era: lyrical, melancholic, cinematic, and unlike anything else produced in Germany at the time. Lampe’s readership steadily grew into something close to a cult following. His collected letters were published in 2018; an English translation of At the Edge of the Night finally appeared in 2019, introducing him to a wider audience decades after his death. Johann-Günther König’s long-overdue biography followed soon after.

Today Friedo Lampe occupies the strange position reserved for certain artists: neglected in life, cherished in retrospect. The writer once condemned and erased by the Nazis is now included in The Oxford Companion to German Literature and discussed as an important rediscovered voice of twentieth-century German fiction. Perhaps that is the consolation history occasionally offers — that literature can outlive the regimes, prejudices, and accidents that once tried to silence it.

 My Week, For What It Was Worth

We Two Boys Together Clinging. David Hockney (1961). Its name derives from a poem by Walt Whitman and two lines from it are scribbled to the right. It also references a newspaper clipping detailing a climbing accident – ‘Two Boys Cling to Cliff All Night’ which Hockney interpreted as an illusion to his idol, Cliff Richard. (Arts Council Collection)

On the life of David Hockney…
A strange thing happened. I mentioned to a friend that I wanted to watch A Bigger Splash — the 1974 documentary about the artist David Hockney, in which his lover of three or four years, Peter Schlesinger, leaves him during filming.

I still hadn’t watched it, and the following day, it was announced that Hockney had died at the age of 88.

The news reminded me of a few years ago when I was given a Hockney print, Two Boys Clinging Together. I made a convincing show of being overwhelmed by it, but the truth was rather different. The print never made it onto the wall; to my eye, it looked like something I might have painted when I was four. His work never entirely won me over.

That said, I have always liked his California pool paintings from the 1960s and 1970s, although nobody has ever bought me one. My favourite is Peter Getting Out of Nick’s Pool (1966), which depicted the 19-year-old Schlesinger climbing from a swimming pool at the Hollywood apartment block where art dealer and gallery owner, Nick Wilder, lived.

I spent a few hours reading about Hockney — a man who, if I am honest, irritated me immensely. His dour Yorkshire monotone seemed at odds with the loud bow ties, red braces and trademark spectacles. He occupied the same corner of my imagination as the writer Alan Bennett; the two could almost have been twins. Yet it is impossible not to admire his courage. He was painting gay love at a time when homosexuality was still effectively illegal in Britain.

America held a particular attraction for him:

“I must admit, I’d begun to be interested in America from a sexual point of view; I’d seen American Physique Pictorial magazines when I first came to London. And they were full of what I thought were very beautiful bodies. I painted Domestic Scene from a photograph in Physique Pictorial, where there’s a boy with a little apron tied around his waist, scrubbing the back of another boy in a rather dingy American room; I thought, ‘That’s what a domestic scene must be like there.’”

But my favourite Hockney quotation comes from David Hockney in Paris, a BBC documentary from 1975:

“Men in white socks are very sexy. White tee-shirts are quite sexy, but not so sexy as socks.”

Peter Getting Out of Nick’s Pool. David Hockney (1966).
Rodney Harvey (1967–1998) was an American actor, dancer, and model celebrated for his appearances in critically acclaimed 1990s films like My Own Private Idaho.

On good looking guys who died young…
It is an unhealthy fascination. I have a curious interest in those young guys who left us too soon. I have a list of the unfortunates and will get to them in future posts. But the list is tragically long. There’s something mythic about it. At the height of beauty, talent, or promise, they stop aging while we keep going. They are fixed in our memory and will never change; permanently charged with youth and possibility. Although, there are too many stories where death came about due to self destruction – the doomed poet, the tragic actor and the brilliant addict. I mourn them all and kid myself that if I’d been around them their fate might have been different.

Héraklès Archer – Hercules the Archer . Antoine Bourdelle (1909) .

On a sculptor and a real-life model…
I’m not entirely sure I like the sculpture, but I’m fascinated by how it was created. Hercules the Archer (1909), by the French sculptor Antoine Bourdelle (1861-1929), now exists in several versions, although it was originally commissioned by the financier and philanthropist Gabriel Thomas as a unique work.

Bourdelle modelled the sculpture in clay during the summer of 1909, using his friend Paul Gustave André Doyen-Parigot (1854–1916), a captain in the French Army, as his model. An accomplished sportsman, Doyen-Parigot possessed the physical strength and athleticism required for the pose. The dramatic extension of the body and the intense muscular tension of archery allowed Bourdelle to emphasise the model’s powerful physique.

At Doyen-Parigot’s request for anonymity, however, Bourdelle altered the head, distancing the finished figure from a direct portrait and transforming it into the heroic image of Hercules.

Paul Gustave André Doyen-Parigot modelling for Antoine Bourdelle.

On having childhood regrets…
What if I had understood what was happening? What if I had been brave enough to acknowledge it? What might have become of us? Would he still have been my best friend?

Why was I thinking about Darren this week? Perhaps because some questions never quite leave us. When he later discovered that I was gay, he drifted out of my life. We have not spoken since.

On finding a poem about Manly Love…
Douglas Malloch (1877–1938) was an American poet, short-story writer and Associate Editor of American Lumberman, a trade paper in Chicago.

Manly Love…
Deep in your heart understand
the love of a man for a man;
He’ll go with you over the trail,
the trail that is lonesome and long;
His faith will not falter nor fail,
nor falter the lilt of his song.
He knows both your soul and your sins,
and does not too carefully scan,—
The Highway to Heaven begins
with the love of a man for a man!


– Donald Malloch

The poem is preserved in modern literary history as an early piece of Western gay literature. It is notably featured in The Columbia Anthology of Gay Literature, compiled by Byrne R. S. Fone. It was also collected in historic specialty anthologies such as Men and Boys (edited by Edward Mark Slocum), which curated historical verses exploring Greek love, male friendships, and same-sex devotion across different eras.

On the cute and willing…

Johannes Knop shot by Gabriela Bluske (2026).

 My Week, For What It Was Worth

The City of the Sun. Photo by Sam Wright, 2024.

On considering my dwindling finances…
I’ve no concept of saving money, which is fine when your job allows a comfortable lifestyle. But that isn’t the case anymore. Work is disappearing fast. People are still interested in reading about European cities – history, best places to go and the secrets that they provide. People still want to read about these places and occasionally make good use of my observations. The number of posh magazines that cost a fortune to buy is increasing and there are thousands of websites wanting to make themselves look good. But the winds of change are making me redundant. First, it was decided that they didn’t want me to travel  anymore – stay at home and research them or, better still, find somebody who lives there to do it. That saved them a lot of money. And now, with AI, they don’t need anybody at all. I’ve considered writing about other subjects but, guess what, nobody wants a real person to write it, especially one that will want to be paid. I read an interview with the author Lee Child, who, in a time now covered in cobwebs, was made redundant and decided to write a novel. He became a millionaire with Jack Reacher. But that’s not going to happen either. As one magazine editor told me, those days have gone, and it was bad luck that I chose a career at the wrong time.

On the missing ‘squatting boy’…
I found a photograph of a sculpture and immediately fell in love with it. It formed part of a three-piece installation titled El problema del caballo (The Horse Problem), displayed in the historic Arsenale — the former cannon foundry- at the Venice Biennale in 2017. Its creator, Claudia Fontes, born and raised in Argentina but now living in England, constructed a scene suspended in time: a monumental horse flanked by a life-sized woman and a squatting boy, all facing a shower of rocks hanging motionless in the air, their shadows scattering across the space to form the fractured outline of the animal itself. The boy seems caught between witnessing the event and studying the fragments at his feet, as though unsure whether he is observing destruction or deciphering it.

I tried to discover what became of the work afterwards, but it appears to have simply vanished. Does it lie forgotten somewhere now — draped beneath a tarpaulin, gathering dust and cobwebs in some anonymous warehouse? Or worse, was it dismantled and destroyed? There is something almost unbearable in the thought that a work of such strange beauty could disappear so completely. Why create something so haunting, so precise in its evocation of wonder and catastrophe, only to hide it away from the world? I am told that, in contemporary art, the act of creation and the conceptual gesture can hold greater value than the object itself. Yet that explanation feels strangely unsatisfying when confronted with something one longs to see.

The Squatting Boy’ – Claudia Fontes (2017)

On the benefits of hot weather…
Heatwave. Black shorts. White tees. It has become the standard summer uniform: simple, effortless, and quietly revealing. There is something undeniably appealing about the combination — the clean contrast of dark shorts against sunlit skin, the casual ease of a white T-shirt worn loose in the heat.

Part of the attraction lies in a natural appreciation for fit, athletic legs and the relaxed confidence that warm-weather dressing encourages. Well-shaped calves, strong thighs, and defined muscles suggest health, balance, and physical vitality without seeming overly deliberate. Summer style works best when it appears unforced.

More than anything, it conveys ease. The look belongs to long evenings, beaches, city pavements shimmering in the heat, holidays, freedom, and movement. It suggests someone comfortable in their own body and unconcerned with trying too hard — a kind of self-assurance that people instinctively respond to. There is also an air of fun and openness to it, something approachable and youthful that feels inseparable from summer itself.

On dabbling with Bailey…
Bailey is cute, but I can’t cope with his hypochondria. A nosebleed needs major surgery. He says that his nose bled so much that his teeth hurt. Beauty sometimes hides intelligence, but, there again, maybe it isn’t intelligence that I’m looking for. It’s not about sex either. It’s about getting naked, cuddling in bed and hoping that he doesn’t talk too much.

La sieste, circa 1960. Drawing by Raymond Carrance

On the Lamentation for Jonathan…
A poem from ancient Hebrew literature, The Lamentation for Jonathan — also known as David’s Lament or The Song of the Bow — is among the most celebrated elegies in the Bible, appearing in Books of Samuel (2 Samuel 1:19–27). It forms part of King David’s mournful response to the deaths of King Saul and Jonathan — Saul’s son, David’s closest companion, and the man with whom he shared a profound and fateful bond. Both were killed in battle against the Philistines on Mount Gilboa.

Jonathan and David had made a covenant together, for Jonathan loved David “as his own soul.” Jonathan stripped himself of his robe and gave it to David, along with his garments, his sword, his bow, and his girdle:

The beauty of Israel is slain on the high places;
How are the mighty fallen!
I am distraught for you, my brother Jonathan;
Very pleasant have you been with me!
Your love was wonderful : passing the love of women!
How are the mighty fallen:
And the weapons of war perished!

The passage has an emotional intensity that still feels startlingly intimate. The language of grief, devotion, and physical closeness moves far beyond the formal language of political alliance or military comradeship. It is beautifully homoerotic — though there are always those who insist that we should not read too much into it.

On agreeing with Joseph Caprio…
“I have often been criticised for photographing only beautiful men, for creating images than are purely aesthetic and rather superficial. On first impression, that may seem to be the case. In my defence, if I had to justify my work – if justification is necessary – I would say that I am made anxious by the passing of time and that I have a certain distaste for the world and so, when I am in the studio, I seek one thing: to forget reality for a moment and to dream. To dream that I am in a world where there is only beauty, a world where time takes no toll. Yet my mind, my soul, is ever present and casts its shadow as I work. It would therefore be a mistake to stop at first impressions.” – Joseph Caprio

Romeo. Photo by Joseph Caprio

On considering writing a biography…

On the cute and willing…

Mattis Perez and Alex Joos. Photo by Anton Patdu, for Fucking Young! Online (2026)

Stolen Words: “You’ve timed your lives wonderfully, my boys.”

“Spendid, perfectly splendid!” replied the Colonel. “Eighteen, by Jove! You’ve timed your lives wonderfully, my boys. To be eighteen in 1914 is to be the best thing in England. England’s wealth used to consist in other things. Nowadays you boys are the richest thing she’s got. She’s solvent with you, and bankrupt without you. Eighteen, confound it! It’s a virtue to be your age, just as it’s a crime to be mine. Now, look here” – the Colonel drew up his chair, as if he were going to get to business – “look here. Eighteen years ago you were born for this day. Through the last eighteen years you’ve been educated for it. Your birth and breeding were given you that you might officer England’s youth in this hour. And now you enter upon your inheritance. Just as this is the day in the history of the world so yours is the generation. No other generation has been called to such grand things, and to such crowded, glorious living. Any other generation at your age would be footling around, living in a shallow existence in the valleys, or just beginning to climb a slope to higher things. But you” – here the Colonel tapped the writing-table with his forefinger – “you, just because you’ve timed your lives aright, are going to be transferred straight to the mountain-tops. Well, I’m damned. Eighteen!”

The passage is taken from Tell England: A Study in a Generation, a novel written by Ernest Raymond and published in February 1922 in the United Kingdom. Its themes are the First World War and the young men sent to fight it. The body of the novel is divided into two halves (or “books”), both narrated by Rupert Ray. The first book tells the story of his and his friends’ progress through school; while the second deals with the experiences of (specifically) Ray and his friend Edgar Doe during the war.

Forty-five years after the novel’s publication, Raymond wrote: “Another thing that is a cause of wonder to me as I re-read the book is the indubitable but wholly unconscious homosexuality in it,” since “‘homosexuality’ was a word which — absurd as this seems now — I had never heard.”

The David Problem: Notes from a Life

Morning Splendour, 1922 – Henry Scott Tuke

The Painter of Boys – Part 1

David and Joshua left London behind and headed south-west. It was something they did every year before the tourist masses descended upon Cornwall. They hired a car and stayed in a holiday cottage on the edge of Bodmin Moor. It formed part of a working farm and had once belonged to the Lanhydrock estate and, like so many great houses with dwindling fortunes, it had been sold off more than a century earlier. Now it belonged to a farming couple who had converted the redundant outbuildings into holiday accommodation.

David always wrote well in the Cornish countryside, where the only sounds came from sheep, cattle, and the wind crossing the moor. While Joshua slept until lunchtime, David sat at the kitchen table with his laptop and worked. Several of his novels had been conceived there, and he could easily write chapters at a stretch while new ideas arrived effortlessly. The spell would only be broken when Joshua eventually emerged, bleary-eyed and searching for his first caffeine fix of the day.

Joshua wandered into the room wearing only his underwear, his hair tousled and dark stubble shadowing his chin. This was David’s favourite version of him: unguarded, still carrying traces of boyishness, utterly unconcerned with how he looked.

“What are we doing today?” Joshua asked, as though David possessed the answer to everything.

But the plan had already been decided the night before: they were going to Falmouth.

Only in recent years had they fallen in love with the town. They had visited once before and been underwhelmed, but David’s growing fascination with Henry Scott Tuke had drawn them back, and gradually Falmouth had worked its charm upon them.

The story of Henry Scott Tuke fascinated David. For years he had encountered the paintings without consciously realising it. He had always been drawn to those bright, sunlit depictions of naked young men on beaches and boats. He had first noticed one in an art gallery and then began spotting others across the country. Tuke’s work seemed to exist everywhere now — reproduced on book covers, sold as canvas prints online, endlessly circulating through the internet. In death, he had become far more famous than he had ever been in life.

Once, David and Joshua had been fortunate enough to view The Tuke Collection in the archives of Falmouth Art Gallery. Together they examined more than two hundred canvases rarely seen by the public. That had been the moment Joshua fell in love with the paintings too.

Since then, David had tried to learn everything he could about Tuke and had managed to acquire almost every book written about him. He dreamed of owning an original Tuke painting one day, though even with his generous income he knew such a thing would forever remain beyond his reach.

It was nearly two in the afternoon by the time they arrived in Falmouth. After a brief visit to the art gallery, they were delighted to discover that one of Tuke’s paintings was on display: Study of Boys Bathing — two naked young men playing beside a dog.

“It’s a sign,” Joshua remarked, and David was inclined to agree.

But the real purpose of their visit was the grave.

Henry Scott Tuke lay buried in the oldest and highest part of Falmouth Cemetery. The cemetery had been laid out in the 1850s with sweeping views towards Swanpool Beach, where Tuke had lived. Now the place had become overgrown, its once-open vistas obscured by trees and tangled greenery.

David liked graveyards. They offered solitude and a place for reflection.

The early morning rain had given way to sunshine by the time they arrived. They passed a workman digging out an old grave who glanced at them with mild suspicion; few people carried flowers among these neglected plots anymore. These were the forgotten dead. Joshua had picked the wildflowers himself from a lane beside the farm that morning.

Tuke’s grave stood beneath the shadow of sycamore trees in a quiet corner of the cemetery. Joshua laid the flowers upon the flat stone and stepped back while David retrieved a folded piece of paper from his pocket. He began to read aloud. Nearby, the workman paused in his digging to listen to whatever strange ritual these two visitors were performing.

“Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig my grave and let me lie;
Glad did I live, and gladly die
And I lay me down with a will.

This be the verse you ‘grave for me:
Here he lies where he longed to be;
Home is the sailor, home from the sea,
And the hunter, home from the hill.”

The lines came from Requiem, the famous short poem written by the Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson in 1880, and later used as his own epitaph.

If the dead were capable of hearing, then the words might have carried a certain familiarity. The same poem had been recited by Geoffrey Harrington Sainsbury, one of Tuke’s nephews, during the funeral in March 1929 — the same year David’s father had been born. The mourners had stood beside the open grave, lined with flowers and evergreen branches, while a cold easterly wind swept across the hillside.

David and Joshua knew their little performance beneath the spring sunshine might appear faintly ridiculous to anyone watching, yet somehow it felt like the only fitting tribute they could offer the artist.

“I suspect,” David said, “that not many people make pilgrimages like we do.”

At the back of his mind lingered the forthcoming exhibition of photographs by Wilhelm von Gloeden that he had agreed to help curate. Von Gloeden’s use of adolescent models had already provoked criticism in some circles. David realised some people might now interpret Tuke’s paintings in a similar way, yet he remained convinced that the work was unique — unlike anything else in British art.

“The problem,” he told Joshua, “is that people now see this work as intensely sexual. Tuke’s contemporaries saw something very different. To them, the naked young male body represented innocence — a celebration of youth and vitality. Lithe bodies in sunlight. Escapism. Pastoral beauty.”

Joshua had heard variations of this argument many times before.

“Look at it another way,” he replied. “The male nude has existed in European art since the Renaissance. All Tuke really did was revive that classical tradition.”

“The Victorians had no problem with it,” David said. “They regarded his paintings as healthy and life-affirming. But after his death the work fell out of fashion because his style suddenly seemed too traditional.”

David blamed the First World War. Afterwards, Tuke’s paintings must have appeared hopelessly rose-tinted — relics of a gentler and more innocent world.

“Do you think Tuke was gay?” Joshua asked.

“Without question,” David replied. “But you have to admire him for one thing: there was never a stain against his character. He had homosexual friends, some of whom were publicly disgraced, but nothing ever attached itself to him. Lucky old bastard — spending his life surrounded by beautiful young men.” He paused, glancing back towards the grave. “Did he sleep with his models? Did the paintings satisfy certain urges? We’ll never know. And we have his sister to thank for that.”

“What do you mean?”

“One of life’s great frustrations. If Tuke’s diaries had survived, they might have revealed everything. They would have made extraordinary reading.”

“What happened to them?”

“His sister commissioned a biography and handed over twelve volumes of diaries to the writer. Apparently the finished manuscript shocked her so badly that she refused to publish it. Imagine if it had survived somewhere — forgotten in an attic or archive.” David shook his head. “Instead, she burned almost all the diaries and wrote a sanitised version herself.”

Joshua listened while taking photographs of the grave and the wildflowers with his phone, already preparing the image he would upload to social media later.

“You know,” David continued, “I’d love to write a modern biography of Tuke. But I suspect everything we know about him has already been written. Unless…”

Joshua glanced up.

“Unless I could discover something entirely new. The more I think about it, the real story isn’t Tuke himself — it’s the boys he painted. Imagine being able to trace them. To discover what became of them after the sunlight and the boats and the summers were over.”

August Blue , 1893-1894 – Henry Scott Tuke

Boys Burn Quiet: The Man from Baghdad Knew

He was called Sajjad, and there was something dangerous about him. Rumour had it that he came from Baghdad and had fled to Europe to escape death threats from an armed militia. A man probably in his forties, he sat in the corner of the small bar smoking cheap cigarettes and drinking zammù — a mixture of water and aniseed. He seemed to look at nothing in particular, yet you understood that he heard everything. When he spoke, it sounded almost aggressive, and that frightened most people.

Alfio whispered in our ears: “If that man speaks to you, you must answer politely. Ignore him and he might turn unpleasant.”

And so we pretended that the threat in the corner did not exist.

“Mithli?” the man called Sajjad barked.

We hoped the word was not meant for our ears and ignored him.

“Mithli?” he shouted again, and this time there was no doubt that he was referring to us. His tone was far from friendly.

“Omosessuale? Homosexual?” he growled.

Severin smiled nervously and nodded.

The man called Sajjad looked at us with contempt, and for a moment we expected him to pull out a dagger and slaughter us. Instead, he spat on the floor. Then he slammed his fist against the table, causing his empty glass to topple over and smash on the floor. He jumped to his feet and hurried outside, but as he passed us he grunted a single phrase:

“Abu Nuwas.”

And that was the first time I had ever heard the name.

Afterwards, I wondered whether the man called Sajjad truly hated homosexuals, or whether he had been trying, in some strange way, to show sympathy. Was he imparting knowledge to us? Or was he simply a man of unsound mind?

Later, I discovered who Abu Nuwas was.

Born in Iran to a family of mixed Persian and Arab heritage, Abu Nuwas eventually settled in Baghdad during the late eighth century and became famed for his erotic verse, as well as his love of the debauched and degenerate. He was celebrated as one of the most influential Arabic poets of all time: renowned for his wine and hunting poems, but equally notorious for the profane and provocative imagery he used to subvert the authority of the caliph and mock the excesses of the court.

In one verse he called sodomy the “true jihad”. In another, two young boys fall in love and, instead of praying five times a day, fornicate five times whenever the call to prayer echoes across the city.

In the Muslim world, eroticism was regarded as sinful, while homo-eroticism was considered something beyond the ordinary boundaries of sin. Yet Abu Nuwas wrote without fear of execution or ostracism — and remarkably, that still appears to hold true today.

There is a statue of him in Baghdad, created by the renowned Iraqi sculptor Ismail Fattah Turk. It stands along Abu Nuwas Street on the banks of the Tigris River.

It took a long time for his work to be translated, and not everybody welcomed it. In 2001, the Egyptian Ministry of Culture reportedly burned around 6,000 copies of Abu Nuwas’s poetry, condemning it as homoerotic and offensive to Islam.

I have since discovered two verses that are perhaps the best known of his so-called “homoerotic” works, and, in the hands of the translator, are distinctly modern. When I read them, I imagine the man called Sajjad reciting them aloud — perhaps choking on the words and spitting on the floor.

Love in Bloom
I die of love for him, perfect in every way,
Lost in the strains of wafting music.
My eyes are fixed upon his delightful body
And I do not wonder at his beauty.
His waist is a sapling, his face a moon,
And loveliness rolls off his rosy cheek
I die of love for you, but keep this secret:
The tie that binds us is an unbreakable rope.
How much time did your creation take, O angel?
So what! All I want is to sing your praises.

In the Bath House
In the bath-house, the mysteries hidden by trousers
Are revealed to you.
All becomes radiantly manifest.
Feast your eyes without restraint!
You see handsome buttocks, shapely trim torsos,
You hear the guys whispering pious formulas
to one another
(“God is Great!” “Praise be to God!”)
Ah, what a palace of pleasure is the bath-house!
Even when the towel-bearers come in
And spoil the fun a bit.

Boys Burn Quiet: The Rise and Fall of Gerry Sundquist

Gerry Sundquist: The best looking man on TV (1975)

Imagine it: you were once described as “the best-looking man on television”. Then you lost your looks, put on weight, and became addicted to heroin. Worse still, you became a liability — punching a producer and beating up your own brother after he threw your drugs out of the window. Unsurprisingly, the acting offers dried up. How would you handle it? How would you turn things around? Perhaps you couldn’t.

This is the story of an actor who was exceptionally handsome and might have gone on to far greater things had it not been for a destructive streak that eventually consumed him.

Gerald Christopher Sundquist — known as Ged or Sunny — was born in Stretford, Manchester, in 1955. He attended St John’s School in Chorlton and later St Augustine’s R.C. School in Wythenshawe. One former school friend described him as “part of the disco youth club teenage scene” and popular with his contemporaries. But he was no angel. In fact, he was something of a bad boy — smoking on the school bus, nicking chocolates from the sweet shop. Still, everybody loves a bad boy, right? “He had the world’s biggest blue eyes and could pick up a girl at fifty paces.”

He joined the Stretford Children’s Theatre and left school at sixteen to work the night shift at the Kellogg’s factory in Manchester. It was there that he was spotted by Granada TV casting director Doreen Jones, who cast him as Jim Woolcott in the nine-part children’s serial Soldier and Me in 1974. The role led to another part, Billy Adams in the ATV serial The Siege of Golden Hill in 1975.

His theatrical breakthrough came when he played the lead in All Walks of Leg at the Young Vic, adapted from John Lennon’s books In His Own Write and A Spaniard in the Works. Next came the National Theatre in 1976, where he played Alan Strang in Equus opposite Colin Blakely. Critic B.A. Young wrote: “As the boy, Gerry Sundquist brings the sexual side of his fixation nearer the surface than in any other performance of the part I have seen. He is a slim, good-looking young man.” The story went that Sundquist had inherited his father’s Swedish looks.

And yes, he was undeniably a bit of a dish. Other people thought so too.

While appearing in Equus, a letter arrived from Buckingham Palace inviting him to visit. The invitation came from two gay chefs employed within the Royal Household. Sundquist, however, declined the offer.

By now he had become a hot property, appearing in a succession of television and film roles while still returning to the theatre between projects.

“This world was never meant for someone as beautiful as you.”

In 1978 he starred opposite Nastassja Kinski in Passion Flower Hotel, in which girls at an exclusive German boarding school live across a lake from an equally exclusive boys’ school. The pair became romantically involved. Sundquist nicknamed her “Nasty” and reportedly preferred spending time with the German actress to attending his own brother’s wedding.

He went on to play Michael Radlett in The Mallens (1980), Karpenko in Peter Brook’s Meetings With Remarkable Men (1979), and Pip in the BBC adaptation of Great Expectations (1981).

There were other roles too: Gerry in The Music Machine (1979), Tommy Frisking in Alexandria… Why? (1979), Pierre in The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1982), and Claudius in The Last Days of Pompeii.

But all of this came before the fall.

Had it succeeded, Sundquist’s appearance in The Music Machine might have catapulted him to international stardom. The film was billed as Britain’s answer to Saturday Night Fever — all glitter balls, disco lights, and North London dance-floor drama. Sundquist later admitted: “I actually had two left feet when I started making The Music Machine, but since then I must have improved enough to at least look convincing on screen. I literally went clump, clump, clump when I tried to dance.”

Unfortunately, The Music Machine was a flop, and Sundquist never quite reached the heights that had once seemed inevitable.

The film’s writer and producer, James Kenelm Clarke, later blamed its failure on the fact that neither of the two leads — Sundquist and Patti Boulaye — could really dance.

Still, there were plenty of pin-up photographs for British teenage girls — the sort of magazines young gay boys quietly borrowed from their sisters. Sundquist regularly appeared in full-page spreads, half-naked and sporting a finely toned torso. He certainly looked the part.

And there were women — lots of them, perhaps too many — though he never married.

But it was all beginning to unravel.

“No matter how much fame you have, it’s not something that belongs to you.”

What the public did not see were the underlying problems that came with fame and fortune. His life became a rollercoaster of highs and lows, and the warning signs were there if anyone had cared to notice them.

In 1980, Sundquist was fined £100 for growing cannabis. At the hearing, he said he had not worked since The Mallens ended and was living “off his fat” because he could not claim unemployment benefit. 

According to his older brother Geoffrey, Gerry had always dabbled in soft drugs, but things worsened after he met a girl involved with harder substances. That marked the beginning of his rapid decline. He eventually came off heroin and switched to methadone, but the earlier success never returned. By then, he had become something of a pariah within the industry.

The 1980s were lean years. His brother paid him to do odd jobs, while Sundquist picked up occasional voiceover work.

But he struggled badly with the comedown from fame.

After a four-year absence from television, his final screen appearance came in 1992, playing Jimmy Matthews in an episode of the police drama The Bill titled Lost Boy. After that, there was nothing.

In 1993, Sundquist threw himself under a train at Norbiton station in South London. There was never any doubt that it was suicide; he left notes for his family that read: “Please forgive me. I love you all. I’ve ruined my life.”

After his death, the casting director who had discovered him, Doreen Jones, reportedly said she wished she had taken a different route to work on the day she spotted him at the Kellogg’s factory.

What a waste.

His name died quietly with him and is now barely remembered.

From The Stage: 23 September 1993

 My Week, For What It Was Worth

On meeting an artist’s muse…
Alfio had spent far more time with us than his employer at the hotel would have appreciated. The young Sicilian thought nothing of closing reception for a few hours in order to show us the hidden corners of Taormina. For that, Severin and I were grateful, for it allowed us to avoid the endless groups of tourists who traipsed through the town from morning until night. Alfio led us down narrow alleys to viewpoints overlooking the coastline; to small cafés and restaurants frequented only by locals; and introduced us to people whom he thought we might find interesting. For Severin, who would be working here throughout the summer, this was invaluable, and more than once the thought crossed my mind that he might never leave at all. It also occurred to me that this generosity may not have been entirely selfless on Alfio’s part. He knew that I would soon be leaving Sicily, and that afterwards he would have Severin to himself.

One such person Alfio introduced us to was an elderly gentleman named Santo, who lived in a modest upstairs apartment on Via Bagnoli Croci. The visit stemmed from a conversation I had had with Alfio about Baron Wilhelm von Gloeden and the photographs he had taken of young Sicilian boys in the 1890s. My friend David is involved in a forthcoming exhibition of von Gloeden’s work in London, and had spoken to me about the controversy that already surrounded it.

Santo spoke no English, and Alfio conversed with him in the local dialect. He welcomed us warmly with a toothless smile. His apartment was small and crowded with the mementos of a lifetime. Sacred images covered the walls, save for a faded black-and-white photograph hanging beside the door. Looking more closely, I saw that it depicted a barely clothed young boy seated upon a rock. The old man noticed my interest and said something to Alfio, who translated for me. The photograph was of Santo himself at the age of sixteen, taken in the 1950s, and it might easily have been mistaken for a von Gloeden image had the photographer not already been long dead by then.

Santo opened the small window to let in some air and gestured for us to sit while he prepared hot lemon tea. Alfio explained that Santo had worked many jobs in Taormina over the years: fisherman, labourer, barber, before spending his later working life in a hotel much like his own. Now in his eighties, Santo told Alfio that the old photograph had been taken by the German photographer Konrad Helbig. Following in the legacy of von Gloeden, others had come to Taormina hoping to emulate his work.

Yet Santo remembered little about the man himself, beyond the fact that he had paid him a few lire, as he had done with several of Santo’s male friends. The money had been welcome, and Santo admitted that he might have earned more had he posed nude, as some of the others did. But it all seemed impossibly distant now, he told Alfio — another life belonging to another century.

On three teenage brothers…
The three German boys — aged twelve, thirteen, and fourteen — are paraded each day by their parents. They resemble one another in many ways: slender adolescent bodies, dark hair, the same boisterous, brotherly energy. Only the eldest wears spectacles; the younger two tease him mercilessly, blissfully unaware that they will soon follow him into short-sightedness themselves.

Their father indulges the rowdy behaviour with an almost inevitable pride — perhaps because he sees in them an echo of his own youth — and so the task of keeping them in line falls, as ever, to the mother. Each morning the boys greet us with exaggerated politeness, only to dissolve into giggles once they have passed. Severin says they call us the schwules paar — the gay couple — though more from a desire to provoke laughter in one another than from any malice.

“But,” Severin says, “I have no doubt at all that the eldest boy is most definitely gay.”

On saying goodbye to everyone…
I must move on. My time in Taormina has come to an end. I know it will remain one of those memories that returns in old age, vivid and untouched by time. The town had always possessed a certain allure in my imagination, though the reality proved different from what I had once envisioned. The days of Wilhelm von Gloeden making his way there along rough donkey tracks are long gone. Taormina is now an expensive resort town, crowded with visitors from every corner of the world. Yet, as with any place, I have always been drawn less to what the masses come to see than to what lies beyond their notice.

For that, I remain grateful to Alfio, who revealed a version of Taormina few tourists ever encounter. Before I left, the young Sicilian first shook my hand, then reconsidered and embraced me instead. It felt unexpectedly sincere.

I shall miss the boys who emerged from the shadows each evening to play football on the wasteland. Once, long ago, boys like them would have been exploited by those who paid them to pose for dubious photographs. Now the balance has reversed; they have become the opportunists themselves, charming wealthy tourists into buying cheap souvenirs at outrageous prices. Yet beneath the hustling they were still only boys, quick to abandon commerce the moment a plastic football appeared, racing about in clouds of dust and laughter.

And I shall miss Severin most of all — someone I had long ago consigned to the past. By chance our paths crossed again in a crowded airport, and we both ended up in Taormina. Once, we had regarded each other with suspicion, each secretly wondering whether Pietro had preferred the other. In time, we came to understand how foolish that jealousy had been.

Severin had remade himself into a wanderer, drifting wherever happiness seemed possible. I suspected that once I departed, he would move in with Alfio and perhaps even become his lover. Yet I could not shake the feeling that, sooner or later, he would return to hustling in the back streets again.

When the time came for me to leave, Severin thanked me for giving him a bed and kissed me on both cheeks. “I shall miss our pecks,” he said. “Always a peck for morning, noon, and night.” He made me promise that we would keep in touch and, for once, I found myself hoping that we would.

On the cute and willing…

Boy Italia

The Grudge Against Glory

Fate is inscrutable, chance is unreadable, and circumstance is unfathomable. No one knows what he may one day suffer. The private sorrows of Sir James Barrie illustrate the insecurity of mortal happiness. Life has bestowed on him fame without stint and wealth without measure. All over the world his plays are spouting money as a gusher spouts oil. Riches pursue him day and night. He cannot escape from the golden rivers. But fame and fortune do not exempt him from the furtive blows of fate. Of his four foster-sons, Michael Llewelyn Davies was the best beloved. On the eve of his twenty-first year he perishes like Milton’s Lycidas. The witless unreason of the tragedy shocks us. Is there a grudge against glory, a spite against fame, a vendetta against dazzling fortune? Is there immunity in obscurity?

– Sunday Express – 22 May 1921


Boys Burn Quiet: The Photographer Who Hid His Desire

Calabria, three young men in bathing trunks on the beach , April 2, 1954. Konrad Helbig.

The story is sad in its own way. Imagine spending a lifetime taking more than a hundred thousand photographs of beautiful places around the Mediterranean. Many are published in travel magazines such as Merian and Atlantis, or used to illustrate the travel guides of the 1950s and 1960s. Then old age arrives, you die, and the work is left behind and forgotten. Later, someone sorting through your estate — a friend, perhaps, or a distant relative — discovers something that was probably meant to remain secret.

When Konrad Helbig died in the German city of Mainz in 1986, a completely unknown collection of black-and-white photographs was found among his possessions. They were images of young Sicilian men, many of them nude, and they had never been published; more likely, nobody had even known they existed. Now, forty years later, Helbig is remembered less as a travel writer and photographer than for these newly uncovered erotic images.

I have tried, and failed, to discover more about Helbig.

Searching through archives, I found only a single contemporary mention of him: a 1961 review following the publication of Umbria: The Heart of Italy, with text by Harald Keller and photographs by Konrad Helbig. The reviews were mixed, sometimes scathing. One correspondent wrote: “Herr Helbig’s black-and-white photographs cover art, architecture, and landscape with wide-ranging sympathy. (I say nothing of his five colour plates, which are frankly disastrous.)”

Young male nude with outstretched arm, 1950–1959. Konrad Helbig.

His first published photographic collection was a volume on Sicily in 1956, followed by collaborations with Karl Heinz Hoenig in 1959 and, later, with photographer Toni Schneiders on Archipelago in 1962.

Yet one cannot help wondering whether Helbig’s true artistic interest lay elsewhere: in his studies of the male nude, composed in the style of Classical Greek and Roman sculpture. Had those photographs become known during his lifetime, his reputation would almost certainly have been destroyed.

Konrad Helbig was born in Leipzig in 1917. He fought in the Second World War, was captured by Soviet forces, and remained a prisoner of war until 1947. After his release, he studied art history and archaeology, concentrating particularly on the Mediterranean world. Of his private life, however, very little is known. I have met someone who had known him — indeed, someone who had posed for him — but he either could not remember, or would not reveal, anything beyond the sparse details already available.

And what of the photographs themselves? Helbig’s best-known posthumous collection is Homo Sum (Latin for “I Am Human”), published in 2003 and featuring what were described as “his boldest erotic works from the 1950s and 1960s.” Another volume, Ragazzi, was published in 2001. First editions of both books now sell for hundreds of pounds.

Young male nude lying in high grass, Sicily, ca. 1950–1959. Konrad Helbig.