Tag Archives: gay

That moment / It’s not really what I want, so my attempts to get it will fail


Joe was once off his head on something, and stuck his head through a plate glass window. I then spent the next hour saving his life. I remember being covered in blood and being incredibly angry. He had major surgery, but escaped with a huge gash on the bridge of his nose that was a bit too close to his eyes. In all fairness, he thanked me afterwards, and offered me his arse with a discount of twenty quid which I politely refused. Last night, I wasted another hour of my life staring at Joe’s crotch.

Perfect people aren’t real and real people aren’t perfect


When you love someone so much, and you think that everything about them is perfect. Step back, and you will see that they are not perfect at all.

Boys with dark hair and shy smiles who smell good / Nothing brings to life again a memory like fragrance


Musk. What does musk smell like? I don’t know. It’s a bit animalic. But I like to think that you smell musky. I smell muskiness in your absence. 

They can sing whatever they want. Sometimes it’ll suck, sometimes it’ll be great.


The pretty boy in the blue striped t-shirt had a delicate tattoo of a knife on his arm that was erotically threatening. But he called himself Queenie, and could not sing, and murdered Sabrina Carpenter’s Espresso on karaoke. He wished me Happy Birthday, and I told him that my birthday was in April and that he had a terrible  memory. But at least I am pretty, he said, and asked if I liked his singing. I looked into his olive eyes and told him that he was perfect but didn’t need to sing to impress. 

He is experiencing a need to be liked that’s more than just wanting acceptance


There is something wrong with him. I get the feeling that something is missing up there. A few brain cells that are missing or have become warped. The pretence that he is somebody that he isn’t. The more he boasts about money and his wonderful life, the more I sympathise with him. He has the desire to be liked but cannot see that his way won’t work. 

That Moment / Hurt me, but you may also love me, and I want to take that chance

“I have a new favourite,” you said. This was the opportunity I’d been waiting for. “Are you talking about me?” I asked. It was a leading question, and one way or another, the answer would end years of torment. The pause was longer than necessary, and I took this as a good sign. Might this be the moment that we’d both been waiting for? But then you bottled it. “No, you’ve never been a favourite and won’t ever be.”

Messy in Heaven / The Messy Boy’s Room


There was a big bottle of Malibu next to a picture of the Virgin Mary. I stared at them both. I wasn’t sure which was the most threatening. “What are you thinking?” I ignored him and looked at the mess of the room instead. 

Is this the saddest and perfect end? The final act of betrayal never felt so good


Innocence came calling. What are you writing? I was writing about you, but didn’t say that, and it would have made no difference because it was never part of the plan.

Have you been sent by someone?
Have you come with a message?
Have you come to taunt me?
Have you come to kill me?

In the dark, I think only of sweat, tattoos, and dirty underwear. How erotic is that? The excitement before you destroy me.

Have you come with love?
Have you come with hate?
Have you come with both?
Have you come with nothing?

There is desire in the shadows. Hands everywhere, controlling, and satisfyingly rough. But there are unanswered questions. Do these hands belong to someone who wants me dead?

Have you got a disease?
Have you got a condom?
Have you got a knife?
Have you got other ways of killing me?

They will get you in the least expected way. Beware of Gabriele of Stadium, they said. He will exploit your weakness. He is the Angel of Death and brings only a glass full of piss and blood.

Lust shattered my guard.
Lust drowned my senses
Lust clouded my judgement.
Lust is the death of me.

The romantic Gypsy of Roma, who dances with a gun, and destroys hearts with the blade of Ardizzone, looks into my eyes. Is this the most addictive boy ever? Is this the saddest and perfect end? And after he slits my throat he will say to Alberto of Ostia that it was too easy.

Disappointment … and hotel freebies


Joe went back to a hotel room and a guy came twice in his mouth. He was disappointed because he couldn’t manage a third time, and so Joe stole three sachets of Nescafé decaf and a Yorkshire tea bag in retaliation.