Category Archives: Life Story

“No matter what happens, always keep your childhood innocence. It is the most important thing.” – Federico Fellini

Leave a reply


“My great grandfather was good friends with Fellini,” said Aurelio who looked at the books I had bought. “They both came from Rimini. If you needed to know anything about Fellini, then Gio Carmello, with the tattoo of a boy on a dolphin, was the person to see.

“It is said that my grandfather was called Federico after his childhood friend.

“And now, you have bought a book about Fellini which makes me sad because I think of my family.

“But, if I am honest, I have never liked Fellini, because he came from an older generation, with primitive movies, and an Italy that was black and white and different to the one that I know.”

That Moment / Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work in hand

Leave a reply
Image: Igor Melo

The barman poured vodka from one bottle into another. It was a soft pour, and he did it expertly. I told him that I was impressed with the accuracy at how he did it. “Easy,” he said, “I imagine that I’m pissing into your mouth.” Up to this point his face had suggested that I wasn’t there. Everything I’d said to him had bounced back with indifference. Now he had said something shocking and was calm enough not to look for a reaction. Instead, he concentrated on pouring from one bottle to the other and was satisfied that he had stopped me talking.

That was the year it might have been, but wasn’t, and the Angel of Grief smiled with satisfaction

Leave a reply
The Essential Biff Paperback – January 1982 by Chris Garratt and Mick Kidd

Hey, Super Star Destroyer. If we knew back then what we know now. The year of discovery. Friends for life and all that shit. A touch of flesh was all it would have needed, but the Angel of Grief spat from a big height.

That Moment / Hurt me, but you may also love me, and I want to take that chance

Leave a reply

“I have a new favourite,” you said. This was the opportunity I’d been waiting for. “Are you talking about me?” I asked. It was a leading question, and one way or another, the answer would end years of torment. The pause was longer than necessary, and I took this as a good sign. Might this be the moment that we’d both been waiting for? But then you bottled it. “No, you’ve never been a favourite and won’t ever be.”

Messy in Heaven / The Messy Boy’s Room

Leave a reply


There was a big bottle of Malibu next to a picture of the Virgin Mary. I stared at them both. I wasn’t sure which was the most threatening. “What are you thinking?” I ignored him and looked at the mess of the room instead. 

I am indebted to you for something you did but have forgotten what it was

Leave a reply

The lady from Wollongong, New South Wales, once said that she would never forget what I did for her son. I paid eight hundred pounds and flew her son back to Australia. She cried when he turned up on the doorstep because she thought she would never see him again. That was twenty years ago. I turned up on your doorstep when it was raining, and when you opened the door I knew that you didn’t recognise me so I reintroduced myself because I needed a place to stay. You told me that you hadn’t a clue who I was and said that you’d call the police if I didn’t go away. I walked into the stormy night and accepted that I could not sink no further. When the demonic koala dropped from a tree and strangled me, I lay in that muddy puddle and thought about that eight hundred pounds which was now worth a million.

Disappointment … and hotel freebies

Leave a reply

Joe went back to a hotel room and a guy came twice in his mouth. He was disappointed because he couldn’t manage a third time, and so Joe stole three sachets of Nescafé decaf and a Yorkshire tea bag in retaliation.

Matchstick Man is miserable… Am I bothered?… I might be

Leave a reply

That Moment / The secret ingredient is love… and maybe something else

Leave a reply


It is a brie, tomato and salad sandwich. I swear that the one I’m obsessed with has added part of himself to it. That extra ingredient makes it the best sandwich I’ve ever tasted.

Flirting with the Matchstick Man

Leave a reply
Screenshot