Tag Archives: queer stories

A Venetian Affair

Part 2 – The Venetian Complication 


“Ciao,” said Bianchi.

“Ciao,” I replied.

“S-ciào vostro,” he grinned.

I am your slave.

He had discovered that ciao was derived from an old Venetian expression and couldn’t resist repeating it whenever he had the opportunity.

Venice woke early and seemed determined to wake us with it. The vibrating hum of delivery boats bounced off the brick façades of the Renaissance buildings, followed by the dull thunk of their hulls against the wooden mooring piles. Then came the metallic rattle of carrelli being pushed along the wooden decks.

“Slaves don’t sleep in the same bed as their masters.”

“But I have a good master and I must surrender to his wishes,” Bianchi replied cheekily.

My phone vibrated.

A message from Cola.

My mother is furious with you both. She knew that you would sleep together.

I smiled.

Bianchi crawled to the end of the bed and opened the curtains. He was naked, unlike the night before, and it was the first time I had seen him that way. He turned towards the window, completely oblivious to the effect he was having on me.

He had got his wish. Almost.

I had remembered Signora Bruschi’s warnings and allowed nothing more than a few kisses and cuddles. Nothing beyond that. Bianchi had no idea how much willpower it had taken not to give in to him.

But he was playing the long game and, for now, seemed perfectly happy.

Alas, the inevitable would happen eventually.

Sunrise had brought a soft morning light and a rising canal fog that would soon burn away.

“I shall make coffee,” Bianchi declared as he scrambled down the spiral staircase to the kitchen below.

I stayed in bed and closed my eyes.

I listened to the patter of his feet across the terrazzo, followed by the rattling of cups. Then came the sound of the French doors opening onto the stone balcony.

“Cazzo!”

He scuttled back inside.

“I did not know there were apartments overlooking us… and you can see everything.”

I peered through the newel posts and watched him grab a large towel and wrap it around himself.

I am going to struggle here, I thought.


The message from Charlie came at midday.

Ponte delle Guglie. 8pm?

I sent a thumbs-up.

Nothing more.

We shall see you then, he replied.

We.

My mind was made up.

I would definitely be taking Bianchi with me.

When I told him, I detected a nervousness that hadn’t been there earlier. But, as he explained, Signora Bruschi had sent him to accompany me and he would respect her wishes.


We resisted the urge to kick tourists into the nearest canal, seemingly oblivious to the fact that we were tourists too.

We spent the day wandering narrow calli, crossing little bridges and drinking too much coffee outside cafés.

It was a way of killing time.

I was apprehensive about seeing Charlie again. The outcome was uncertain. Was this going to be closure for both of us, or the beginning of a new chapter?

I was mindful that I had instigated our enforced absence, although I hadn’t intended it to turn out the way it had. Not for the first time, I had ruined something that, on the surface at least, had seemed special.

But I had forgotten that Charlie was stubborn. And if he believed he had been wronged, nothing would alter his mind.

An observer might have regarded the whole mess as six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Quite true.

Charlie had inexplicably posed naked for a French gay magazine, confident that I would never find out.

On the other hand, I had slept with his brother.

And that, it appeared, was a far greater sin.

The other question I kept asking myself was whether we were still in love with each other.

There had been an unwillingness on both sides to resolve the mess and move on. Months apart had only strengthened our positions.

Part of me hoped that our meeting would lead to reconciliation.

But another part told a different story.

That story involved Thomas in Paris.

The uncertainty wasn’t helped by Bianchi, who had become uncharacteristically subdued. His early-morning brightness had gradually faded until he slipped into an awkward silence.

It wasn’t until we were heading back that I understood why.

We had reached the end of a ramo — a dead-end alley overlooking the Rio de la Pleta — and stopped to watch the boats passing below.

“There is a boy at work called Cesco,” Bianchi began.

He paused.

“He doesn’t say much. When I first met him, I tried to make conversation. He simply nodded. Now he sometimes smirks and occasionally speaks. We are slowly getting there. I think he trusts me.”

I tried to understand where the conversation was heading.

“The other staff say that Cesco is a handsome boy. Such a shame about the spots. They wish he’d do something better with his hair. They want him to be more sociable. They often lose patience with him.

“But when he smirks, they think he is smiling. My friends say, ‘How do you get him to do that?’”

Bianchi sat on the stone step and rested his elbows on his knees.

“And so they send me to collect the orders. I stand and wait. I make small talk. Sometimes I get a reaction.

“I tell my colleagues that I enjoy the challenge.

“‘You’re always so calm and collected,’ they say. ‘What’s your secret? Why doesn’t he speak to us? Why do you make time for his bad habits?’

“The answer is easy,” Bianchi continued. “I like handsome people. I can do spots. I can accept bad haircuts.

“I look at him in his black jeans, black T-shirt and black apron. Everything about him is black.

“But underneath all that black there is something attractive.”

I sat beside him, suddenly unsure that I was going to like what came next.

“What is that?”

“I imagine him standing behind his counter,” Bianchi replied. “I imagine him transformed in my mind, and suddenly I can wait patiently.”

I didn’t know how to respond.

L’erba del vicino è sempre più verde, he said sadly.

I tried to translate it.

The grass is always greener.

It was Bianchi’s way of sending a warning shot, and I was determined not to react.

“I cannot wait forever, Miles.”

One of my failings is that I sometimes fail to see what is right in front of me.

Bianchi was in love.

He had quietly persevered, waiting for me to return his affection.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him too.

But I would become a liar if my reunion with Charlie ended positively.

Life can be complicated.

Charlie.

Thomas.

Bianchi.

They all had a hold on me.

“I am not looking forward to meeting your boyfriend,” he added.

“Ex-boyfriend,” I corrected.

“But what if you decide to get back together? Where does that leave me? I might never see you again.”

He bit his lip.

“I am not sure that I would want to see you again if you did.”

“If it makes you feel any better, you don’t have to come with me.”

“I will come,” he decided. “But it is difficult for me to accept.”

“I know you have feelings, Bianchi, and I’m sorry that you’re caught up in all this. But please realise that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.”

“Then tell me there is hope. Tell me I am not wasting my time. If not, for my own sanity, I must look somewhere else.

“Even if it is the boy with spots and a bad haircut.”

I laughed, not unkindly, and squeezed his arm.

“You are not wasting your time, Bianchi.”

I wanted to hold him.

I wanted nothing more.

And he would gladly have let me.

But then the nose of a gondola appeared and glided silently into view.

Three women of various ages and sizes looked startled to see us sitting on the steps. Then they looked at us with curiosity.

Standing behind them, a young gondolier made light work of propelling the boat along.

“Buonasera,” Bianchi called.

And the gondola disappeared around the corner.

My Week, For What It Was Worth

On being naked, sleepless and bitten in Verona …

I am told a story about a man who goes to visit his mother’s grave at Cimitero Monumentale di Verona. He stands before it in prayer and then drops dead himself, overcome by the heat.

The problem with this story is that I have heard it before.

There was the case of a man in the town of Garlasco, near Milan, who collapsed while standing at his parents’ grave. In Naples, another was found slumped across his father’s tomb.

In Italy, they sometimes try to outdo one another, and that makes it difficult to distinguish fact from fiction.

The heat, however, is real enough.

The Italian health ministry has been issuing its maximum Level 3 red alert — known as the bollino rosso — for cities across the country, including Verona.

The heatwave is being driven by the African anticyclone known as “Cerberus”, bringing temperatures with little variation between day and night and daytime highs of up to 40°C.

For now, the apartment where I am staying is woefully unprepared. There is no air conditioning, only a collection of small electric fans that offer little respite. 

Signora Bruschi insisted that I keep the wooden shutters closed to block out the sun. She also instructed me to keep the windows shut.

I ignored her.

I needed fresh air.

Now the heat from outside has permeated and made the room unbearable.

I sleep naked, but sleep itself has become impossible. The nights are spent tossing and turning in my own sweat. When I wake, I discover that aggressive tiger mosquitoes, which are supposedly creatures of the day, have spent the night feasting on me. My body is covered in bites and an unsightly heat rash stretches across both arms.

Alas, I no longer feel beautiful. A plain, white-skinned English boy like me can only dream of the cold, the rain and, perhaps, even snow.

On the three naked butts …

Italian boys are more cultured than English and German boys.

Severin, the German boy, and I, the English boy, have not forgotten those hurtful words.

Over time, Severin and I have found each other like long-lost brothers. Recently he heard from Elio — the chosen one — who has discovered a diary belonging to Pietro.

Inside was the following entry:

“Elio is the lover I have always wanted, but he is spoiled and without scruples. Perfect for me. Severin is cute but stupid. He will do whatever I want him to. Miles could be wonderful, but he always thinks with his dick. There is no loyalty there.

“But I love them all, and I call them my three naked butts.”

Nude of Three Boys by Wilhelm von Gloeden

On Thomas and the Paris heatwave …

Thomas messaged me from Paris, where the temperature had become stuck at 40°C. He had covered his windows with emergency blankets to keep the heat out, though this also prevented him from seeing the world beyond them.

“It is hot and gloomy,” he moaned.

His girlfriend, Ambre, had abandoned her apartment in Batignolles. Poor insulation and a lack of external shutters had turned it into an oven. “The blazing sun hit her windows all day — she couldn’t breathe and felt dizzy because there was no air,” he explained.

“I have a headache all the time and now we must walk around my rooms completely naked,” he added, clearly for my benefit.

The image of Thomas — tall, skinny and entirely unclothed — was not an unpleasant one.

“And Léo was arrested for possessing drugs and had to spend the night in a police cell where temperatures reached more than 43°C.”

I was tempted to ask Thomas whether the heat had prompted Léo to shed his clothes as well and, if so, whether such a display might have proved provocative to his fellow prisoners.

Thomas signed off with a question:

“Are you missing me?”

On the boy by the water …

A cold stream. Stepping stones. It attracted students from Università degli Studi di Verona. If fashion models of either sex were to be discovered anywhere, this was the place to find them.

Nakedness was almost a prerequisite.

Gods and goddesses baked beneath a merciless sun, seeking relief in fast-running water, plunging into deep pools and sunbathing in temperatures that might well kill them. Youth does not concern itself with such things until it is too late.

I sat beneath the shade of the only tree.

I love the sun, but the sun does not love me. It burns me at the slightest opportunity. I had no desire to move because all around me was visual heaven. A multiple-choice examination in beauty: who was the most handsome, the sexiest, the most likely.

My eyes settled upon a young man wearing pale blue striped shorts that clung to his buttocks from the dampness. His hair was swept back as though he belonged on the streets of Milan. I could not see his eyes because they were hidden behind wraparound sunglasses.

But it was his body that held my attention.

His soft, undeveloped chest. His slim frame. The perfectly proportioned legs he stretched out before him. He was the colour of a bronzed angel, without a blemish to be seen.

He lay upon a rock below me, water rushing around him, and I wanted to take his photograph but dared not because it would have seemed too obvious.

He assumed I was looking at him, just as I assumed he was looking at me, though neither of us could be certain.

If I had been forced to choose anyone there, he would have been the one.

Then he turned his head and smiled.

I smiled back, though I could not be sure the smile had been intended for me.

He lay back and the water rose around him. For a moment I thought I could detect the suggestion of an erection, though that may simply have been the product of an overactive imagination.

He sat upright again and flicked back his hair. His profile caught the light.

Then he shouted up and asked me for the time.

Four o’clock.

All was well.

A voice in my head suggested that a little flirtation was taking place. But I knew better than that. I knew the type of boy he probably was. He knew he was beautiful and, perhaps, enjoyed the effect he had on others. A fly-catcher, drawing us in simply for the pleasure of watching us hover.

I got up to find my friends and smirked as I stepped past him.

I decided to love him only as a memory.

Artwork by Daniel Jaen (2019)

On waiting for the fall …

We wait for the one who built the empire to fail.

We, the loyal followers, are waiting for the collapse. It cannot be far away.

And when it comes, we, the loyal followers, will make our move.

On the cute and willing…

Lucas at Avantage Management (Budapest)

The David Problem: Notes from a Life

Artwork by Xristo Rodríguez

The Painter of Boys – Part 2

Henry had spent the morning sketching on the beach while his model sat naked upon a rock, gazing out to sea. He tried to capture the figure before him: broad, well-defined shoulders flowing into a powerful back that narrowed elegantly at the waist; sculpted arms, the muscles cleanly delineated beneath pale skin; strong, athletic legs whose proportions conveyed both grace and strength. The healthy glow of youth accentuated every subtle interplay of light and shadow across his form. Yet Henry knew that no matter how many times he put pencil to paper, he could never truly recreate the beauty before him. Johnny had cost half a crown, and he had earned it by remaining perfectly still for the better part of the morning.

It was shortly before midday when they heard the shots—two sharp reports that reverberated around the cove, causing Henry to drop his pencil and Johnny to start. Both looked about for the source of the disturbance, but nobody was in sight.

“It came from down there,” Johnny shouted, pointing towards the caves.

Before Henry could react, the boy was already running along Newporth Beach, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was still naked.

“Be careful, Johnny!” Henry called, hurrying after him.

The body lay in the first cave. By the time Henry arrived, Johnny was standing over the motionless figure.

“Is he dead?” Henry asked.

“As dead as he’ll ever be,” Johnny replied. “There’s a gun on the floor, but no blood.”

Henry picked it up—a six-chambered revolver—before kneeling beside the corpse and turning it onto its back.

“Two shots to the mouth,” he murmured.

The strangest thought crossed his mind: the seed of a painting. The naked youth standing over a dead man. Absurd, he told himself.

“I’m afraid I know who this is,” Henry said at last, a note of sadness in his voice. “Harry Tilly, of Boslowick.”

He rose and turned to Johnny.

“Run along and find the policeman. Tell him to come here at once. But get dressed first, or the scandal will be greater than it already is.”

*****

David pieced the story together in his head as he followed Joshua down the steep track—or what passed for one—towards Sunny Cove. He had recently come across a newspaper article from 1894 describing how the artist Henry Scott Tuke and one of his models had discovered the body of a Falmouth solicitor in a cave on Newporth Beach. Most of David’s ideas grew from forgotten histories, but only now had it occurred to him that the incident might provide the foundation for a novel.

Brambles, nettles and dense undergrowth crowded the route, obscuring their footing. Before long, the path dissolved into a treacherous slope of loose slate, fractured rock and powdery earth. One careless step could send them tumbling onto the beach below, though ropes had been fixed to the cliffside to assist those bold enough to attempt the final descent.

‘Tuke’s House’ had once stood on the clifftop, but it had vanished long ago. Seventy years earlier, thousands of tons of rock and soil had collapsed into the sea near Pennance Cottage, forcing its occupants to abandon it. The empty building soon became a playground for local children, who tore up floorboards and left a trail of destruction until the structure was deemed unsafe. Its owner, Mrs Trench Fox, eventually ordered it demolished. Tuke had been dead for twenty-five years, and few mourned the loss.

Most of Tuke’s male nudes had been painted on the beaches below—Tuke’s Beach, Sunny Cove and Newporth Beach—names familiar only to locals. To outsiders fortunate enough to find them, they appeared to be a single uninterrupted stretch of coastline.

David and Joshua had discovered Sunny Cove the previous year. On that occasion, the weather had been cool and overcast, and they had the beach entirely to themselves. Few people ventured here; only those who knew where to find it. Together they had wandered along the narrow stretch of pebbles, exploring the rocky ledges and platforms while imagining the summers when Tuke and his models had spent long, sunlit days on the shore.

This time, however, the weather was glorious, and the beach no longer felt as though it belonged exclusively to them.

“Shit,” muttered David. “There are people here.”

“And an eyeful of old man penis,” Joshua added.

It was true. Half a dozen men were sunbathing completely naked.

“I didn’t realise it was a nudist beach,” David said.

“Not just a nudist beach,” Joshua replied in a low voice, “but probably a good place for blokes to go cruising.”

David slipped on his sunglasses and pretended to check his phone, giving himself an excuse to study their fellow beachgoers.

“My God,” he said. “The place is full of gay grandads.”

It was not entirely unfair. Most of the men were well past their prime, their sun-darkened skin weathered like old leather.

“The truth is, they’re probably younger than you are,” Joshua replied with a mischievous grin.

“Maybe, but at least I haven’t lost my looks. And I still have a decent figure.”

David felt obliged to maintain the fiction that he remained an Adonis, though deep down he knew the evidence was becoming less convincing with every passing year.

As they spread out their towels, he became acutely aware that the other men were watching them too. The object of their attention was clearly Joshua, who had already stripped down to his underwear.

“Henry Scott Tuke had an endless supply of beautiful young models,” David grumbled. “I get naked old men with tiny dicks.”

He found himself wondering whether Joshua intended to go completely nude. Even in a pair of Calvin Kleins, Joshua was striking: handsome, slim, and blessed with long, elegant legs. More importantly, he knew it. David had no doubt that Joshua would make the most of every advantage nature had given him.

Joshua made his way into the sea, wincing as the sharp pebbles bit into his feet. It was, he seemed to think, a small price to pay for the opportunity to perform before an audience.

David heard footsteps crunching across the shingle. One of the men—a naked, pot-bellied figure—waded into the water a short distance from Joshua. David watched with growing irritation as the pair splashed through the waves, as though participating in some obscure mating ritual.

Joshua had always been attracted to older men; after all, that was how he and David had ended up together. Lately, however, David found that fact increasingly difficult to ignore. He searched for the correct term. Chronophilia? Gerontophilia? When he had been Joshua’s age, older men had held no appeal for him—certainly not men old enough to be his father. In that respect, at least, he had remained remarkably consistent. He still preferred younger men, although the age gap widened with every passing year.

Joshua eventually returned to his side.

“That guy’s dick is too shrivelled to appeal to anybody,” David muttered.

“It’s because it’s cold,” Joshua replied, shivering. He glanced around as though only just noticing the older man who had joined him in the sea. “Hmm,” he said thoughtfully. “I wonder what he’ll say about me when I get naked.”

“I think not,” David said sharply, unhappy with the direction of the conversation.

“I think you should take off your clothes,” Joshua suggested.

“I think not,” David repeated.

He pulled a book on Italian cinema from his rucksack and opened it. Beside him, Joshua stretched out and closed his eyes.

*****

The young man wore shorts and a T-shirt and appeared to be in his early twenties. Handsome, though not in a conventional way, David thought. Perhaps interesting was the better word. There was something about him — something difficult to define — that immediately drew David’s attention. He chose a spot near David and Joshua.

David found himself reading the same sentence of his book again and again, unable to concentrate as the young man began removing his clothes. If there is a God, he prayed silently, let him strip naked. It seemed, for once, that God was listening, because that was exactly what he did. Joshua, meanwhile, appeared to have fallen asleep.

The young man settled onto his towel, drawing his knees to his chest.

“Hi,” he said to David.

David returned an awkward nod, reluctant to speak too loudly and wake Joshua.

“I’m Daniel,” the young man continued.

Joshua raised a hand in a vague gesture of acknowledgment, waving at nobody in particular. He seemed to have little interest in the newcomer, but made it clear that he was aware of his presence.

David searched for something clever to say — something that might break the ice, but nothing that might reveal too much of his interest.

“It’s a lovely day,” was all he managed.

The brief exchange gave David an opportunity to study Daniel more closely. He was slender, his pale body possessing a quiet, unassuming beauty that held David’s attention.

“Are you on holiday?” Daniel asked.

“Yes,” David replied. “And you?”

“I’m a student. Film studies at Falmouth University. I noticed you’re reading a book about Italian cinema, so I guess you’re interested in films too. What do you do?”

It was the question David always dreaded. He preferred people not knowing who he was. Though, he admitted to himself, there was a part of him that wondered whether Daniel might be impressed to discover he was speaking to a famous author.

“I’m a chef,” David lied.

Joshua let out a small laugh.

“Do you mind if I join you both?”

David, naturally, raised no objection and gestured for him to move closer. He watched as Daniel spread his towel beside them. At that precise moment, Joshua removed his Calvin Kleins and stretched himself fully beneath the sun.

David felt decidedly overdressed and, despite himself, slightly guilty; everyone else on the beach was naked except him. Daniel looked along the shoreline, his gaze taking in the scattered sunbathers before briefly settling on Joshua.

“Arthur’s Beach,” he remarked. “Why is it called Arthur’s Beach?”

The words Arthur’s Beach had been painted in yellow on a prominent rock overlooking the shore.

Joshua spoke for the first time.

“Because,” he said wearily, “many years ago, a local man named Arthur used to greet people by asking, ‘Had a good afternoon on Arthur’s Beach?’ before wandering off again.”

The story was true, and the name had endured so completely that it now appeared in naturist guides and travel forums alike.

“Looking at you sitting here, Daniel,” David interjected, “you could have stepped out of one of Tuke’s paintings.”

The expression on Daniel’s face made it clear that he had no idea what David was talking about.

“Henry Scott Tuke? The painter? Famous for his young men on the beaches of Cornwall?”

Still no reaction.

David searched his phone for some of Tuke’s most famous paintings and handed it to Daniel. He studied the images carefully, but his expression revealed nothing.

“Most of them were painted here,” David said. “On this very beach.”

Daniel raised an eyebrow, and David found himself charmed by his innocence — not an innocence of youth, but of someone who had simply never encountered this small corner of artistic history.

“The interesting thing about Tuke’s male nudes is that they are remarkably tasteful. Not once does he reveal any genitalia.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, David’s eyes drifted instinctively towards Daniel’s body. He immediately looked away, a flush rising to his face, as though he had inadvertently betrayed his own curiosity.

“I think I may have seen some of these paintings before,” Daniel conceded.

David detected a flicker of mischief in his eyes.

“Tuke was a gentleman,” David continued, eager to defend the long-dead artist while also diverting attention from his own embarrassment. “His models wrote about his kindness and his integrity.”

“The figures look quite young.”

“Yes,” David admitted, with a trace of uncertainty.

“We can guess,” Daniel said.

“But it is difficult to prove. We’ll never know the exact ages of all his models.”

David waited for Joshua to come to his rescue, to offer some reassuring observation that might settle the discussion. Nothing came. Instead, Daniel’s expression shifted into something approaching a smirk, and David realised he was being gently provoked.

“Well, if you really think I could have stepped out of one of Tuke’s paintings, then I’m flattered if you think I look young enough.”

Joshua opened his eyes and turned towards them.

“There seems to be an element of flirting taking place here,” he observed with a playful smile.

“Not at all,” David replied too quickly.

“Take your clothes off, David. Stop spoiling the party.”

David stared at Joshua in disbelief. Then he looked at Daniel, who merely shrugged, as though to say, Why not?

But Joshua knew David would never undress—not anymore, and certainly not in front of Daniel. Instead, David steered the conversation elsewhere.

“There’s another Tuke painting you might find interesting.” He searched for it on his phone. “It’s called A Cadet on Newporth Beach, near Falmouth, with Another Boy in the Sea. You’ll notice that the cadet is fully clothed.”

He showed the image to Daniel.

“Do you know who the cadet is? It’s T. E. Lawrence — Lawrence of Arabia — and it was painted here as well.”

“Yes, fully clothed,” Daniel agreed. “But probably in the process of getting undressed.”