It’s two days since bad boy Jamie disappeared. His messages stopped, and he didn’t come around as promised. I was angry, unfriended him on social media, and deleted every trace.

I cannot trust a person who hurt me because I know he will do it again.

Last night, Jamie turned up in a busy bar, and I ignored him. But he kept appearing in the crowd and glancing across.

He messaged me. ‘Sorry I was in a police cell.’

I ignored it, and this meant he had to come over and speak. He asked me if I was turning my back on him. I said yes.

And he got drunker, more desperate, and more apologetic, and this is when he is dangerous, and might end up in a police cell again.

And now, the emotional drama.

‘I understand that you’re angry with me. All I can do is apologise.’

Here we are, face to face. You can’t look me in the eye. “There’s something I want to say,” I tell you. “What is it?” you mumble. “What if I told you I like you,” I say. You don’t answer, but shuffle on both feet. The floor seems more interesting. That silence says everything, but also nothing at all. Are you shocked? Are you pleased? Just say something, and finally you do. “I like you, but…” But nothing. And I walk away.

People disappoint me. I have been rejected by bad boy Jamie, and that makes me sad and hurt. He was supposed to come around and gave every indication that he was going to. But his messages dried up yesterday, and today there is silence. I had high expectations, and this always seems to be the killer.

I am wired to form trusting relationships and have people to love. Am I mistaking love for lust? Do I need empathy, companionship, commitment, or consideration? Is Jamie someone I want in my life?

Tonight, I am the victim, and choose to be, and will agonise about things for hours to come. And then, I will be kind to myself, and realise that my energy is better spent elsewhere, and I will get my needs.