On the way to the bar I see Ed Sheeran busking outside the Town Hall. I take it in my stride because it is nothing compared to having a piss with Johnny Depp.

I think about Johnny Depp when a guy comes and stands next to me. He tells me that his name is Snuky and that his cock ‘reeks of fanny.’ I laugh, but can’t decide if it’s because he’s called Snuky, or because of what he’s just told me. He looks offended and says, ‘smell it if you don’t believe me.’