A crowded city bar. Night.

ALEX, a tall dark guy, drinks beer and sits opposite MARK, who is absorbed with his mobile phone. MARK drinks from a bottle of vodka.

*****

ALEX: Why are you always on your phone whenever we go out together?

MARK: It is because you make me drink too much and I get drunk.

ALEX: That doesn’t explain why you ignore me.

MARK: That is not technically true.

ALEX: But you are on your phone now and the only reason that you’re talking to me is because I’ve asked you a question.

MARK: Was I ignoring you earlier in the evening?

ALEX: No, you were good fun then. But now it seems that I’m boring you.

MARK: That was before it got dark.

ALEX: You’re not making any sense.

MARK: It is simple. I spend days in the sun thinking about what to write and getting nowhere. The moon rises over the horizon and I become evil and inspirational. A few minutes is all it takes.

ALEX: I don’t understand.

MARK: I’m a writer who writes best at night.

ALEX: Then spare me the embarrassment of sitting in silence.

MARK: You are an extremely important part of the process, but you don’t realise that.

ALEX: What are you writing on your phone?

MARK: Something amazing.

ALEX: Would you care to show me?

MARK: No, I can’t do that. I need time to rewrite and edit it, and I can only do that in the daytime. Otherwise, people will think I’m a bad writer.

ALEX: I give up.

MARK: Keep talking. I’m listening. I call my notes the Penis Monologues but somebody already used that title. 

ALEX: Penis Monologues?

MARK: My phone is full of notes. Observations. Conversations. Ideas. I turn them into something wonderful. Right now I have a menace energy that comes when I drink vodka by itself. I get so drunk and the craziest thoughts bounce between my ears and then I write brilliant things… over and over again. Vodka is my best friend.

ALEX: Where do I come into it?

MARK: This conversation. It might end up in a book, a short story, or maybe an entry in my secret diary. I don’t ignore you, because you are an important part of the Penis Monologues.